Monday, August 24, 2009

Synchronized Diving

I sent the following poem to the 'Squash 2016' website several months ago. The poem was inspired by the mystifying site of synchronized diving competitions during the last Olympics. The presence of these laughable 'disciplines', which are in effect grandfathered in under the umbrella of a generalized sport, coupled with the exclusion of perfectly appropriate sports like squash, have together served to erode the image of the Olympics. But here's the poem, written with 11 syllables per line:

‘The Olympics? Humph!’

'Synchronized Diving' is on the tube tonight,

But something about it doesn’t seem so right.

The Olympics are great, no argument there,

All nations together! Believe me, I care.

And yet to me it seems grotesquely unfair,

That the great sport of squash is simply not there!

There’s expert commentary on Synchro’s style,

Beach Volleyball’s tactics, bikinis, and guile.

They’ve got BMX Cycling! Hello, say what?

Must I watch this guy drive around like a nut?

The Speed Walkers will come out shortly, I’m sure…

Another strange sport that I’m forced to endure!

It’s not that these sports are inherently bad

(Although I know they’d be appalled by my dad),

But international? No, sorry, no way,

Not this day, nor that day, nor some other day.

The spotlight’s on some sports that are just too rare.

This quadrennial slight is so hard to bear!

Succinctly put: Guess what, the Games just ain’t fair!

And it bugs me to think that some folks don't care!

In the spirit of things I might wish them well.

But not this time: “Hey divers! Dive straight to hell!

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