Honesty in Naming

If things were named honestly, that would be an improvement, yes? Take the West Side Highway, New York City’s major north-south roadway that lurches alongside the Hudson River. That should be renamed “Expect Delays.”

“Yeah, hi honey, I’m coming home, currently on Expect Delays, but I might be a little late because I, uh, am expecting a delay.”

Or perhaps my Jeep Wrangler should be renamed ‘Lucky to Make it to 100,000 Miles.’ My car is currently at about 80,000 miles and I can foresee trouble ahead.

Politicians could go by a number of names, but I want to keep this column suitable for family viewing, so most of them I’ll have to keep to myself. One appropriate one would be ‘At the Beck and Call of Lobbyists.’

“Hey Joe, did you hear what old Beck and Call did today? He passed that bill that everyone was up in arms about, y’know, the one that turns Medicaid into a voucher system and takes money away from grandma.”

What about renaming sports more honestly? Women’s beach volleyball would be named ‘It’s Really About the Skin’. Golf would be called ‘Is This Really a Sport?’ NASCAR would be named ‘BURP – Oh, Excuse Me.’

Squash would be named ‘Best Individual Sport Bar None.’

Play and Pay

The world is an unfair place, and one place where the disparity between fairness and reality is painfully evident is in the paychecks of top athletes. 

"ESPN The Magazine" recently published a list of the best-paid athletes in a group of 30 sports, one of which is squash. Some of the findings you may know already. For instance, New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez gets $32 million. NBA star Kobe Bryant gets $24.8 million. Nick Matthew of squash fame made $166,926 in prize winnings in 2010. That doesn't include endorsements, which will up his income significantly, but it also doesn't include endorsements for Messrs. Rodriquez and Bryant, either. Matthew deserves significantly more, without a doubt.

Other entries are more surprising. The men's billiards champ made $118,494; the head bowler made $152,670; the top bull rider made a healthy $1,594,527, which will help pay for his extensive orthopedic bills; the top fisherman reeled in $915,500; the winningest poker player made $9,443,519; Lindsey Vonn skied her way to $509,542; and Rafael Nadal, everyone's favorite tennis-player-who-would-also-make-a-fantastic-squash-player, made $10,171,998 in prize money.

And then there's Joey Chestnut, at left, the top professional at Major League Eating, who gorged himself to $218,500, all earned one hot dog at a time. And then promptly regurgitated the whole disgusting mess out of view of the stage. Is eating really a sport?! Really?   

 

Schumacher Toots Own Horn

My nemesis Schumacher recently stopped thrashing me in squash long enough to toot his own horn.

Hard to see, I realize, but there he is, brandishing an inflatable saxophone while frantically dancing about a room. 

 
And why was this happening? Because Nemesis Schumacher was celebrating his son Jonah's bar mitzvah, a big occasion for a kid, and also for a kid's dad, who has to pay for an event that's as much of a production as a wedding. Jonah displayed the insouciance of a Schumacher by not flubbing any of his lines, which is saying a lot because it's easy to get nervous in front of a hundred-plus people staring at you. Jonah is a great kid, and he's got a little brother and sister who emulate him.

 
If anybody needs assistance from the best podiatrist in New York City, Dr. Schumacher is available. And willing. Trust me. He's helped me, he can help you. 

No, not Jonah, he's not a doctor yet. I'm talking the big Schumacher.

Excuse Me, But Does This Sport Make My Ass Look Big?

How many times have you introduced an athletic friend to squash and had them running enthusiastically all over the court, only to have them call you later that day or the next and say, “Man, my ass hurts!” Or maybe you yourself have been away from the game, either from injury, overwork or temporary disinterest, only to return and be reminded of the singular importance of the butt in the game of squash.

‘Squash butt’ is a real pain in the ass for those afflicted, but the discomfort will fade away. The only real cure is to go out there and play more and build up those butt muscles.

So what are the muscles in the butt? Mostly, they are the gluteus muscles, of which there are three: minimus (provides hip stability and raising and rotating the leg), medius (allows for raising the leg upwards or to the side, as well as hip abduction), and maximus (the largest, outermost of the muscles, which allows leg rotation and raising the thigh upwards and to the side).  In squash, when you explosively accelerate, quickly decelerate, or kick your leg off to the side to cut off a passing shot you are employing your ‘glutes.’ Do that a thousand times in a match and voila, squash butt. Or not, depending upon how fit your glutes are.

My feeling is that regular squash players don’t need to exercise their glutes specifically because if they are playing regularly, that is exercise enough. You will by definition have well-exercised glutes. If you don’t play regularly, or are trying to get back into squash shape following injury, the best gluteus exercise I know is squats. And lots of ‘em. You can try double and single-leg squats or plyometric squats where you jump from a squat position, among several variations. But squat you must. 

Some people may wonder if all that glute action will give them a big butt. The answer is no. You will not have a flabby butt. You will not have a gelatinous butt. You will have a butt that is defined, shapely and muscular. No buts about it….

I Successfully Shoot Like Ashour!

Today I played my nemesis Schumacher again, and had him huffing and grunting all over the court. He won, but he didn't dominate me out there. 

I even had a wonderful Pyrrhic victory. I was at about the mid-court line when Schumacher lobbed a nice arcing shot heading for the backhand corner. I didn't like the look of that lob; I could tell it was going to drop straight down right in the corner. So I reached high with my racket, pretty much turned directly into the side wall, and tried to hit a little dunk shot to the right front corner. It required considerable concentration and balance, as demonstrated by this dog here....

This is a delicate shot, which I tried to do just to surprise the bastard a bit. But Schumacher watches well and he didn't hesitate for a second, moving right up to the right front corner to get his response.

But like Ramy Ashour, who does this shot all the time, my shot fell off the front wall and gently hit the sidewall nick, rolling purely off the wall without even a hint of bounce.

Schumacher let out a yell. I, like this dog here, let out more of a howl.

British Squash Sucking Wind?

First it was the news that the British Open would not be held in 2011. That struck me as unfortunate.

Then it was the meager financial backing for the currently contested ISS Canary Wharf Squash Classic, the total purse for which is an unimpressive $50,000. The posters for the tournament feature Amr Shabana stroking a backhand, but he didn't bother showing up for the tournament, nor did any other Egyptian, with the exception of Karim Abdel Gawad, at left, PSA #44, who crashed out in the qualifying finals. The tournament is very much a European affair, despite its promotion as a 'classic.' 

It's just too bad, that's all. Funding for British squash seems to be drying up. 

What it Takes...

One of the better videos I've seen about the dedication behind our sport. Check this out:

World's Worst Loser

Have you ever beat someone playing squash only to have your opponent be a sore loser? They might slouch off the court without a handshake, they may yell an obscenity and stomp off, or they may even re-argue a few let calls during the match that they felt were thoroughly unjustified. 

But what happens when you play a lunatic? 

Here's a report from the UK of a thoroughly disgruntled man who started arguing over the number of games he had won. The argument gets heated, both players start calling one another liars, and then, as his opponent bends down to pick up his racket, he hauls off and kicks him in the face, hard, breaking his jaw. "The victim later told police the sensation was ‘like crunching Polos,’ and he was left in a lot of pain with blood pouring out." 

Teeth were lost, the jaw was broken, the police were called, and the friendship was ruined. Plus someone had to clean up all that blood. 

This man was no squashist, he was a lunatic with a racket, a guy whose unbridled competitive streak had no brake, no warning voice between his ears saying, Hold it, maybe I ought to back off. 

To his credit, I guess, the fellow regrets his actions, particularly since he will now have to pay for the extensive dental work on his erstwhile friend's jaw, which has left his bite misaligned. And as in the US, there is the little matter of emotional damages, which has yet to be decided by a court. 


I have on fairly rare occasions played someone who is clearly too aggressive -- too aggressive arguing lets, too violent in their swing, too upset over a match -- too emotional for the game of squash. I say thanks very much, and I never play them again. 


The game of squash ultimately boils down to two people in a box with two rackets and a ball. We don't need an attitude problem in that confined space as well, it would get way too crowded.

Loading Up Teams With Foreign Talent

Here's an article from the BBC on how colleges load foreign talent onto their teams in the hopes of dominating the sport. In this case, the sport is tennis: "No other American college sport has more international players than tennis." 

However, US squash fans have heard the same discussion about college squash for years -- 13, in fact.

However, there is another angle to this story worth noting. One commenter to the BBC article, "Dedjiridoo," wrote the following: 

"I played men's squash, a sport that that has been dominated for the past 12 years by Trinity college. Trinity has recruited the best players in the world--junior champions from England, India, Pakistan, and South Africa. This was intimidating as a player, but also a wonderful challenge. We knew that we were competing against the absolute best and it raised the standard of the league."

That's a good point.

Web Round-Up

It's great when new internet sites about squash crop up, and I try to troll around the web from time to time trying to find the latest stuff. 

I recently got an email from a new site called Squash Hero, an admirable effort whose principal goal is to give those interested in purchasing a racket a variety of statistics on rackets and then try to identify the cheapest internet source. The site also has a section on squash tips, which are taken from other sources and amalgamated on their site. 

The breakdown of racket specifications on Squash Hero is a good service. It provides specific data about each racket that would otherwise require a lot of searching to get together in one place: it reviews weight (and whether it is appropriate for beginners or doubles play), head size, head-heavy balance (being the distance between the midpoint of the racket's length and the center of its mass), and string density (which they calculate as number of mains x number of crosses/racket head area). The site then notes the lowest price they have found for the racket. When you click on the racket's image, you get additional information, such as beam width, type of stringing, and type of grip. 


Obviously, the principal benefit for the squash player is being able to quickly go to the squash internet store that offers the cheapest price, and generally speaking the site does indeed offer up the cheapest I could find. But they are not flawless. I looked up the Wilson Hyper Sledge Hammer 120G: Squash Hero finds the lowest price on Amazon for $149, but my favorite squash store is Squash Gear, and they list the racket for $139. 


The site takes a little getting used to. You can sort your racket selection by manufacturer, weight, head size, or cost, all of which is great. But it takes some diddling to really get the feel for how the system works. Overall, though, I'd say it is worth it. It would be nice if they populated the site with additional squash tips, news, photos, etc. We'll see. 


A great site that is absolutely not to be missed is No Let!, a video review of squash play with very interesting commentary. I'm not sure who is responsible for this blog; there doesn't seem to be any attribution for it on the site. But whoever is doing the commentary knows his stuff, and I highly recommend this site and encourage whoever you are to keep at it!


Another blog you should definitely bookmark is Racquetsphere, by squash's very own James Zug. He covers not only squash but also the more rarefied sports of racquets and court tennis, which are worth reading up on. Racquets really is the mother sport to squash, and court tennis is the mother sport of tennis. Both are minuscule peculiarities in the world of sport nowadays, but I can vouch for the fact that court tennis is a lot of fun, and I can also aver that I haven't the cohones to venture onto a racquets court, for fear of getting killed by its golfball-like ball that ricochets around the court at nearly 200 mph. Zug gets around in the world of all three sports and has interesting observations and anecdotes about all three.

The Black Toe Blues

I don't know what it is about my feet, but I am certainly susceptible to black toe, those nasty hematomas underneath the toenail that eventually cause the nail to fall off. The process can be annoying and a bit painful. I've always suffered from them, and now I have tied my record by having two at the same time, one on the big toe and, on the other foot, on the adjacent toe.

These haven't reached the painful stage, but they will, that's coming. 

For years I've asked people how I can avoid getting them, and I've heard it all:

1. In order to not let your toe move around much, buy tight-fitting shoes.
2. Get shoes that are as much as one full size too big so your toes can't jam into the toebox.
3. Don't get shoes that are too tight or too big, just get them very accurately sized down to the mm and get the right shoe for that size.
4. Wear thick socks that will provide extra cushion and will limit movement within the shoe.
5. Buy new shoes frequently, like every 6 weeks.
6. Wear two pairs of thin socks. This allows the foot to smoothly glide on the inside of the shoe and reduce friction, hence reducing the possibility of black toe.
7. Go pray to the God of All Things Black Toe, and ask for forgiveness.

I've developed black toe at about the same rate following all of these bits of advice, and so admit to being flummoxed. When I heard the rationale for #6, I thought that was probably a great idea and so enthusiastically adopted it. I think I developed black toe faster with that method than any other! Podiatrists are likewise stumped, but will happily drain the hematoma or remove the nail, for a fee of course.

If anyone has any better ideas, let me know. In the meantime, I will have to endure the 1-2 months of pain as I wait for these damn toenails of mine to fall off....

GCT's ToC A-OK

I'm a big fan of the Tournament of Champions (ToC) and check it out obsessively each year when it rolls into Grand Central Terminal (GCT), a beautiful building from where I have the pleasure of commuting every day.

Unfortunately, this year the ToC hit as I've been suffering from a very stubborn case of bronchitis, so I only went to one match and hacked and coughed my way through it, not really enjoying the experience. (I went with none other than Schumacher, my arch-squash foe.... Grrrrrr. We ate at the Oyster Bar, so I can report that he slurps his oysters. I also saw Teddy C, working the entryway as a volunteer, who refused my bribe to get in free! What kind of a New Yorker is that guy?)

Early on I picked Nick Matthew to win it all, because I think he is in the best shape of all the top players, and he is as on-form as any of them. But he will have to go through Ramy Ashour to get the title, and that will not be easy. The one match I watched was Ashour dismantling the efforts of David Palmer, and the impression I had was that Palmer was nothing more than a gnat buzzing around annoyingly in Ashour's face, until SWAT!.... he was taken care of.

One question that one might fairly ask is whether the current discord that is roiling Egypt might possibly have an effect on Ashour's concentration. Surely he is hearing from friends in Egypt about what is going on, and no matter which way his political sensitivities go, he must be at least concerned. So the Tunisia-like riots must add on yet another layer of complexity for Ashour as he seeks to outdo Matthew in tonight's final.  Good luck to you, Egypt!

Although I have not been able to cover the ToC, a fellow New York City blogger has, and has done a splendid job. Check out this site for some great interviews and photos.
 

PST: From One Court To Another

Working on the theory that a lawsuit against the PSA would just enrich the lawyers, the Pro Squash Tour's Joe McManus recently announced that he was dropping his suit and would concentrate his efforts on the court of squash rather than the court of law. I asked him a couple of questions:

1. Where does this decision leave the original points of contention? For instance, the PSA did not like the fact that you ranked your players. Will that continue?

"In October 2010, the PSA banned their members from playing PST tournaments. After three months of negotiation, we came to the conclusion that an agreement wasn’t possible. To win the lawsuit would have taken as long as two years and over $100,000. We decided to spend the money on players instead of legal fees and withdrew the court case.

Regrettably, the ban forced us to defend ourselves and compete against the PSA. Before the ban, we viewed the association as a friendly group who shared our interest in growing the fan base for pro squash. Now their public and private actions have created a divide.

PSA is run by ex-PSA players. But their recent decisions are hurting the ability of current players to earn more money playing squash. In the fullness of time, this moment will be viewed as a stain on the PSA’s history. We continue to call on PSA to lift this ban. PSA changes leadership frequently enough. Maybe, the next group will be more thoughtful."

2. Is the PSA continuing to ban players who play in the PST, as they announced back in October? 

"PSA isn’t telling its players what the punishment is for competing in our tournaments.

Ned Marks, a PSA member, played in our Connecticut Open. PSA suspended him for a month as a result and pulled his entry from the Tournament of Champions. No one is truly sure if that should be viewed as a precedent-setting moment. They don’t really value transparency in their operations.

Our next tournament is the Westchester Open. There are 16 players registered. 6 of them were PSA members as of December. We have 3 players registered for February’s Baltimore tournament who were listed as PSA members in December. PSA is going to lose a lot of membership dues if they continue with this ill-conceived ban.

PST does not charge players to compete in our events. Our players are professionals who earn money competing in our tournaments."

3. In what ways has the PST changed so that the court case is no longer an issue for the PSA? 

"Pro Squash Tour is unchanged, except that we continue to grow."

4. I'm assuming your competitions will continue to be no-let matches, is that right?

"Absolutely. Once you’ve see what the pros can do without the hindrance of a let, you don’t want to go back to the old style of play."

5. You also announced a $100,000 signing bonus for a top-ten player from the PSA to jump ship and play the PST. Any bites? An excellent blog at brettssquashblog.com, proposes that Thierry Lincou might go for it. 

"I have spoken to four players. Each asked for confidentiality. For the moment, I need to leave it at that. Brett wrote a very fair and thoughtful piece. He’s a good guy who loves the game. Squash has the benefit of having some very reasoned bloggers. 

Regarding Thierry Lincou. He is a professional’s professional. If you need him to be somewhere at 3:00, he arrives at 2:55.  He is more reliable than a sundial. He also plays the game in the manner it was intended to be played, and he is one of the best players in the world. I believe he could win another World Open or World Series. However, if he chooses to join PST, we would enthusiastically welcome him as the face of our tour. 

We intend to make the person who accepts our offer the most famous squash player in the world’s largest market." 

6. You announced that you are also starting an apparently separate entity called Premier Squash Tour. Is that correct, or will the Pro Squash Tour become the Premier? Can you give any specifics on how you see this new Tour developing? 

"Premier Squash will provide exclusive squash experiences tailored to the desires of the host. We do not anticipate publicizing these events and will do a select few of these each year."

It's Alive!

The original posting has been removed because the blog was about a squash site that no longer exists. 

Please check out the latest postings here: The Squashist

The ATCO World Series Squash Final Goes Pffffffttt.....

I'm normally pretty sympathetic to organizations, particularly those involved with squash, which run into unavoidable trouble and have to scramble. I don't want others to act like a jerk to me and I hope I'm not a jerk to others. For instance, I'm in the publishing business, and sometimes ads don't work out quite the way the customer wanted them to. So we run a make-good, or an extra ad in the next issue, or something to let them know we have their best interests at heart. Usually everything works out fine.

Nonetheless, the news that the finals of the ATCO World Series Squash Finals will be indefinitely postponed due to a technical issue with the inflatable building in which they were playing the series elicits very little sympathy from me. So, here comes the jerkiness....

When I originally read that the tournament had created this very odd bubble venue my first thought was, 'Why, dear god, why?' You are playing in one of the great cities of the world, and you create a microenvironment that displays none of the city other than the inside of some latex?

And typically for the PSA, they have released short, constipated press releases that fail to discuss exactly what happened, when the final might possibly be played, who was the fellow responsible for the big balloon, what did it cost, will they get their money back, etc... 

I have an idea; both finalists, Matthew and Shabana, will be attending the upcoming Tournament of Champions in NYC -- not in a bubble, but in the magnificent Grand Central Terminal. I say start the tournament off with their final, giving them a bye to recover into the second round. We New Yorkers will show the PSA how these things should be done....

If the sport of squash wants to play with the big boys it will have to do better than this. I'm embarrassed, actually. This sport needs better than this...