Racket Porno and Gruntworthiness

Here in New York City the US Open Grand Slam tennis tournament has just begun, and the sounds of tennis are everywhere: the plock, plock of the nicely struck ball; the squeak, squeak of the well-sneakered foot as it drags along the court’s hard surface; and the grunt, grunt of players hurling themselves about the court.

The Billie Jean King National Tennis Center is not some sleazy hotel off a blue highway near LA, but if you were to turn the TV’s monitor off and just listen to the grunting, sighing and shrieking, you would be forgiven for thinking you had just stumbled upon a porn flick. This is not porno, but the audible ejaculations that one hears on the tennis court nowadays make for a kind of racket porno whose problematic noise level is now coming to a head.

Last night I happened to watch Venus Williams barely beat an unseeded Russian, Vera Dushevina. The Russian made no noise whatsoever, and her largely impassive face betrayed emotion only occasionally by an uplifted eyebrow or downcasted, woe-is-me shake of the head. Venus, on the other hand, grunted and shrieked away with every shot, something that she has always done with gusto. It didn’t seem to bother Ms. Dushevina, although not too long ago there were complaints lodged against the Williams sisters, and others, for their noisy utterances.

Indeed, women tennis players seem to revel in loud tennis play. According to one report (see Times Online), here’s how their grunts compare:

Grunt Comparison (in decibels)
Lion’s roar 110
Maria Sharapova 101
Monica Seles 93.2
Serena Williams 88.9
Lindsay Davenport 88
Venus Williams 85
Victoria Azarenka 83.5
Elena Bovina 81
Anna Kournikova 78.5
Kim Clijsters 75
Elena Dementieva 73

But the presence of on-court grunting has reached a crisis level with the arrival of Michelle Larcher de Brito, a 16-year-old Portuguese who is a very good player but truly a world-class grunter. Her shrieks are not only unusually loud but also obnoxiously prolonged. Her opponents have complained, loudly, and there have been calls for umpires to award her opponents with points based on a rarely enforced rule covering ‘deliberate hindrance’ with which players can be punished for yelling. And the governing bodies of tennis are considering implementing more stringent rules to enforce a more muted game, all in hopes of getting Ms. Larcher de Brito to stick a cork in it.

In the world of squash, on the other hand, silence continues unabated. As far as I can tell, the only rule covering on-court utterances in squash is #17.2, which covers ‘audible … obscenities’ and ‘verbal … abuse.’ Grunting a little would not seem to be included in this rule, but you would be surprised how many times people have either looked at me strangely or flat-out admonished me to not make any noise on court.

That’s right, I’m admitting it right here, I’m a bit of a grunter. Hell, I’m old, relatively, and at 50 what was once a gruntless pastime has become more gruntworthy. It helps me focus on the task at hand to give out a little grunt, or so I believe; indeed, tennis players are taught that grunting (at a reasonable level) is good for muscular control and mental focus.

Furthermore, I believe that the groan of effort is not only perfectly acceptable but also adds something to the spectator’s appreciation of the sport. If that terrific shot you just made was gruntworthy, let the spectators know it! Squash is so fast that many viewers find it hard to understand the sport’s subtleties and physical demands. So show them!

As for me, I grunt a bit, big deal!, and when an opponent barks that I should not be making any noise on court, you know what I do? I grunt back and play on….