Betrayal

I have thrown aside the crutches that had supported me for a week or so after my operation, and since have been content to go through the various steps of rehabilitation. At first, I simply stretched. But two weeks ago I got on an exercise bike and went through the motions, albeit with zero resistance. This last week I have exercised on the bike with mild to moderate resistance, and have done some other weight work that is about 50% what I would normally do. The important thing is to gradually apply more resistance, but very gradually, and stretch like a cat, and don't rush it. Something I can normally be counted on not to do.

Yesterday I went for my second post-op evaluation. I told the doctor it feels pretty good at times, but other times it feels like the tracking is off, like there is some crunching going on in there that shouldn't be happening, and, rarely, I experience a little pinpoint of pain. 

I'm about halfway through my scheduled 10-week rehab. The doctor said my knee is rehabbing okay and not to get worried. I confessed that I was indeed worried that the knee just wouldn't be able to take the stress of a hard squash match, and told him that I was thinking about the various options, namely:

• Play squash anyway, suffering the occasional insult of pain. I have been doing this pretty much for the past 2 years, though, and it has lost its appeal....
• Or, play racquetball instead. I know, sacrilege, but the reduced movement of the game should be better for my knee, yes? And it is not such a terrible sport, is it? Baby squash ....
• Play racketball on a squash court. This is done fairly regularly in Britain, why not start something up here? Again, the benefit is it is easier on the knees. Perhaps racketball on a squash court should be promoted more in the US as the next step for older athletes with dodgy knees who still want to get out there....
• Give up squash altogether, in the realization that the knees will not allow it, but concentrate more on my tennis game. Hell, I won a B tournament a few years ago, I'm not that bad. Tennis has always played second fiddle to squash, but maybe it's time to rethink that. There is more straight-line running in tennis and reduced scrambling, so it is a little nicer for the lower extremity, and points are faster.

The doctor's advice was to wait and see. "It is too early to tell how the knee will end up, and the tracking problems you have are not uncommon after this type of surgery, particularly when osteoarthritis had to be burred out of the knee. Sit tight, keep rehabbing."

But he added, "You know, you've played a lot of sports on that knee. It's your right knee, your dominant knee, you push off with that knee, causing extra stress. It's just that now your knee has started to betray you."

I didn't like the way he said that. Although, in truth, that's the way it feels.