Sunday, November 8, 2009

To Market, To Market!

I wonder what it is the marketing guys at squash rackets companies are smoking nowadays and how on earth I might get some. Because they sure seem relaxed and unstressed.

Why do I ask? Well, have you ever noticed the perfectly dreadful names that these marketers give their rackets? I have an image of a bunch of guys sitting around a big conference table to decide the names of the newest line of rackets. Someone calls out a perfectly deplorable name, and an old gruff guy says, "Hell, that'll do," and boom, they're on to the next question. Namely, "What's for lunch?"

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

Dunlop has both the ICE Pro and the Hot Melt -- not sure what either name refers to but they seem diametrically opposed to one another -- can that be good?

Head has the Metallix and the Raptor, names that can at least conjure up images, but images which have nothing to do with squash.

Prince has the 03 Black (which, rather oddly, is used by John White).

Wilson, whose rackets I use, has something called the K Factor (the what?), the Sting (not bad..), and the Hyper Hammer, which is evocative of a murderous psycho.

Feather has the Super Hitter and the Heavy Hitter. That certainly explains things, I guess....

Harrow has come up with the Spitfire and the MOJO, the latter of which is not a bad name....

Black Knight has the Magnum Corona, which is a great name for a cigar, and the Bandit-2, which in the context of squash doesn't make sense.

So I thought I'd come up with a few good names for rackets, which I herewith submit and which any racket company is free to pilfer, be my guest:

How about:

* The Weltmaker
* T-King
* StrikeKing
* The Bother Stick
* The Prevailer
* The Major Dude
* The Tenderizer
* The BlisterMaker
* WarAxe
* The Vexer

You get the idea.... My favorite is The Weltmaker, but any of these would at least paint a picture and get the sales numbers up. Splash on some cool graphics and take it to the bank.

All the above being said, I now submit to you the obverse. Sometimes, strangely, marketing gets you nowhere, and sometimes deliberately poor marketing can get you noticed and become a marketing strategy of its own.

There is a takeout place on 45th and 9th avenue in New York City. They quietly opened up one day and the people have been flocking to it ever since. It offers a simple deal: you pay a real low price and you will get a nice piece of chicken with the restaurant's very own special flavoring. The name of the place is to the point:

The name isn't sexy, it's not French, it's not suggestive of anything other than what it delivers, and that's a piece of chicken. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why marketing is such a conundrum.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Sorry, but due to increasing spam, I've added the Word Verification step. My policy on comments is anything goes, as long as it is about squash and as long as it isn't unnecessarily nasty....