A Chapter in 'The Club From Hell'

I've just contributed a chapter in The Club From Hell, a communal effort among some squash writers (or, writing squash players). You can check it out here on the DailySquashReport site.

Meanwhile, just yesterday I was playing a game, ran up to the front left corner to pick up a shot, which I easily got to, only to feel something go POP in my right knee. Not good...

I'm not hurt (much), not limping, no swelling, etc., so it seems relatively minor. But the POP thing was a new one for me, and unnerving. I have an appointment at the orthos next week, but until then, no squash for the Squashist. Merde.....

Smartest Commentary I've Read All Year ...

... about squash is right HERE, in which squash novelist Aubrey Waddy discusses the televisual pitfalls of the sport. I completely agree....

Psssst, They Did It Again

The fan-centric PST has once again made an excellent call. Joe McManus, the tour's commissioner, has announced that henceforth there will be a "zero tolerance policy" regarding dissent among players who disagree with a ref's decision.

Thank god for that. I noted sometime ago on this blog that the litigious discussion that ensues when a ref makes a tough call is a cringe-worthy pox upon the game of squash. Here I point out a BBC commentator's negative view of all the rancorous discussion. Though he liked watching the game, he probably felt at times that the greatest muscle being exercised at the tournament was that of the jawbone.

The PST will now have to live up to this decree. Will the ref have the testicular fortitude to stand up to one of the Tour's stars -- David Palmer, for instance -- and charge him a point when he starts complaining? They should, but we shall see.

In the end, the PST understands that it's about the squash.  If we want to go see people complaining we can go visit Washington DC.

Please god shut up! Players ... play!

Binns of the Tousled Hair Teams with 'The Great One' To Create a Kick-Ass Site

Peter Nicol, he of everlasting squash glory, has teamed up with the good-natured and chronically tousle-haired Jethro Binns to launch SquashSkills.com. There is every indication that this site will leap right to the top of your internet viewing list, so get your bookmark button ready. 

This is in fact a relaunch. The earlier site was already good, but there was not enough to keep the Squashist's interest, which is at times as focused as that of a hyperkinetic, diarrhetic flea. So a high bar indeed .... 

But this relaunch will have a library of over 100 videos, with a new one added daily! This quotidian blast of squashy goodness will make a terrific impression on squash browsers the world over. Other squash luminaries will appear on the site as well. 

Indeed, I offer this prediction: This site will fundamentally reset the internet expectations of the squash-loving public -- it's a game changer! Other sites will have to step up or risk becoming obsolete.

Here's their site: bookmark this if you haven't already done so.

Good luck to them!

Squash is Dying in the US! Oh Wait, No It's Not....

From time to time there erupts on the squash scene much ado from doom-and-gloomers who are convinced that squash is dying a slow death in the US. They point to court closings (an unassailable fact in cities, alas) and bemoan the old days when clubs abounded. Their conclusion: the sport is doomed.

But my own experience argues against that. I see a lot of enthusiasm and a lot of players. 

So I was interested when the PST's e-zine noted that the Sporting Goods Manufacturer's Association had found a significant uptick in squash participation.

This was a professional, accurate analysis, with a total of 38,172 completed surveys. They found more than 1.1 million US residents had played squash during the previous year (2011), with about 400,000 of these being more frequent, 'core' participants. Most -- 64% -- of these core squashists fell between the ages of 25 to 44, putting a lie to those who say the sport falls off after college. 

The findings show a nearly 40% jump in some squash participation between 2009 and 2011, demonstrating that increasing numbers of folks out there are interested and giving squash a try.

Which is an important point: Whenever I meet someone interested in trying out the game, I always get them on the court and give them an introductory lesson. I make it a point to use the easier beginner balls, and anyone who is a true squashist should do the same: get them out on the court and have a few beginner balls handy. 

The true squashist is a squash evangelist who not only loves the game but makes it a point to transfer his or her own enthusiasm for the game to others.

So get out there and play. And no, chicken littles, the sky is not falling....

Squash in the Fourth Dimension

The 4th dimension is of course Time, and time, in publishing, can throw a wet blanket on things.

I just received, on June 5, the April/May issue of Squash Magazine, the official publication of US Squash. The fact that I received it late, not even within the extra-wide 2-month window of its publication date, was noteworthy. Why would a publisher do that? Well, being in publishing myself, I can guess that the answer is probably related to ad dollars. The publisher and editor, Jay Prince, was probably holding out for a few more ads before he put the magazine to bed. Jay gets some money from US Squash to put the magazine out, but he relies heavily on ad dollars to keep the enterprise afloat.

I can completely understand. We have had to do that a few times when advertisers have turned uncharacteristically impecunious (ie, cheap!). But it is dangerous to do that when publishing a news magazine, because it puts in jeopardy the usefulness of the very thing that constitutes the reason for the publication in the first place: news....

In the April/May issue there are four feature articles. Each one reviews the results from a squash tournament. And all four of the tournaments on display in this issue were from March.

So I received the issue in June, and am to read a series of articles about tournaments from March... In the age of the internet, this is not a winning formula.

The issue has a few other head-scratchers, like an invitation to attend the CitySquash 10th-year party at the University Club in NYC, which had already taken place nearly a week before I received the issue.

Now, this should not be read as criticism of the management of Squash Magazine. I am sympathetic to the problems of publishing under financial duress.

But I think it might be time to change the model. Forget publishing a print magazine; printing and postage costs are too expensive anyway. Prince and his editorial staff can publish the news about squash and run all their feature articles online as quickly as possible so that the information on their website is still fresh. I visit online squash sites all the time, so Squash Magazine's current articles about the US Junior Championships, the adult US Championships, the US Doubles Championships and the US Skill Level Championships were no longer of interest to me -- I had read about them months ago!

US Squash gives Jay Prince money to help fund the magazine because receiving it is a benefit of membership in US Squash, so if the magazine were to resort to an online-only presence, then some significant additional information on the site should be closed to US Squash members only. That could be easily done by setting up a password-protected part of the site. In this section would be additional articles, association news, and enticing visual items, including images and videos from tournaments as well as podcasts, blogs, and other online-only offerings.

The internet is perfect for covering a sport. You can talk about it all you want, include some pictures and diagrams, but actually watching it is always going to have the most impact. But above all, the internet respects the dangers of the fourth dimension when it comes to the dissemination of news. It's time Squash Magazine made the digital leap. 

Pole Sports in the Olympics?

Submitted without comment....

Winning the Knock-Up

Over the years I have had a boatload of interesting squash matches, but looking back I've also had my fair share of interesting knock-ups. You know, the warm-up period when you hit back and forth, hard and soft, to and fro, forehand and backhand, to get you and your opponent ready for the main event.

There is definitely a psychology to the knock-up. I remember playing in an A level tournament about a decade ago. I got on the court early because I had heard that my opponent had "terrific hands" and since I knew I was going to have to do a lot of running I wanted to get thoroughly warmed up. I was doing court sprints when, turning around, I saw my opponent, in street clothes, just staring at my through the glass wall. I gave a little wave and tried to look deadly serious as I went back to my workout. The opponent, smiling, walked off to get changed. A bit later I stopped the running and started to hit, very very hard, working my arm and shoulder to get as much power as possible ready so that my "guns" could rifle a shot away from Mr. Super-Hands. While doing this I did some over-hitting, letting the ball purposely bounce off the back wall so I could blast it back to the front wall. Lo and behold while doing this I looked around and saw him again, staring at me, while engaged in a pleasant conversation with a friend.

What the hell is this guy doing, I asked myself, panicking..... He should be warming up! Doesn't he care? What am I dealing with here?!

Finally, he got on the court. Very politely introduced himself, hit about 3 shots from the forehand and then 3 from the backhand, and declared himself ready.

WHAT?! 

Mr. Super-Hands had won the knock-up by a knockout. He also won the match 3-0. I'm here to report he did indeed have great hands.

I've also played my fair share of opponents who go about the serious business of the knock-up in odd ways. I've played plenty of people who use the time to hit blisteringly hard shots, but absolutely no front-wall drops. Then, when they play, it's drop drop drop like a Chinese water torture.

One guy mostly just practiced serves. I couldn't figure that out. Several people have hit the ball back to themselves, once, twice, thrice, up to 6 or 7 times, thereby violating an unwritten rule of squash sportsmanship. A hit or two, maybe three, but then hit it back to your opponent. But by hitting more than that, they instantly put an edge on the upcoming match. It's like they're saying, "Hey, I like things my way, and you are in my way, so get outta my way, OK?!" 

Other times the knock-up is used to display supreme confidence, as was done with Mr. Super-Hands. One memorable knock-up occurred in another A tournament. I had somehow passed the first round and then found myself up against the best player around bar none. My goal wasn't to beat him, that was not possible, but i wanted to at least get a respectable amount of points from the man. I didn't want to go home triply bagled, awash in shame. So I got out there as soon as possible, hitting on the court and trying to warm up, hitting indeed past the start time while I waited for my opponent, when he finally arrived. He apologized and said he only had about a half hour so he would skip the knock-up and just go straight to the match.

That of course sent the gray matter between my ears into a neurologic spasm..... The guy had won the knock-up by not having a knock-up....

We started to play the match although this great player seemed strangely disengaged, but happily so. We traded points a few times, until we got to about 6-all. At that point he quite clearly looked down at his watch, obviously realized he better get going to finish things off within the allotted half hour, and then opened up a blistering attack with the hardest struck squash balls I have ever been witness to in my life.

I didn't win a point after that, losing the remaining games 11-0. But to this day I still tell people I took 6 points off Kenton Jernigan. Hah!

Cad Alert!

At this year's Tournament of Champions in New York I was walking over to the bar when there before me was a fellow with books to sell. It turns out this was Aubrey Waddy, author of Sex and Drugs and Squash'n'Roll, who had set up a little table and was hawking his book. Mr. Waddy and I exchanged quick howdy-dos and sure enough I bought his book. However, after long custom, I put the book at the bottom of my book pile, where it would have to wait until I had finished reading the 6 books above it. Those books tended towards Scandinavian murder mysteries, and included Karin Alvtegen's "Betrayal," Anders Roslund's "Box 21," Yrsa Sigurdardottir's "The Day is Dark," Lars Kepler's "The Hypnotist," and, in a stretch, a book of poetry, in Swedish, by Tomas Transtromer, who won the Nobel Prize in Literature last year. 

So I had a lot to get through before the squash novel. But when I finally cracked the book, with its goofy cover art and its problematic typography, I have to confess I was a little dubious. It just didn't look like I was cracking open a first-rate yarn.

But I'm ready to admit I can be wrong, and boy was I wrong about this. Sex and Drugs and Squash'n'Roll lives up to its billing, providing plenty of lusty sex from the very first page, drug use by some of the protagonists that gets our squash hero into trouble, musical interludes from the squash player's avocation of mixing tapes, and, of course, a ton of squash. The author knows what he is writing about... Well, the squash, at any rate; about the sex and drugs and rock'n'roll you will have to ask him. Though I have my suspicions... 

Sometimes flat-out funny, the story includes the spicy bits but also interesting detail about how to make it on the pro circuit. Plus, the novel features one of the worst mothers in recent literature, and a very deranged father -- though of another player. Plus there is attempted murder....

You can get the book cheaply via Kindle or throw caution to the wind and buy the print version (here).

Mr. Waddy, you cad you, you've written a great book.

Time To Can It

I found myself wondering today whether the PST's commissioner and CEO, Joseph M. McManus, may have adult-onset oppositional defiant disorder. This disability is usually diagnosed in little kids, and its symptoms include hostility and open defiance of authority figures. 

Maybe this McManus dude just got his case later than most? 

The idea of No-Let squash is good; the idea of No-Letting-Up criticism of anyone and everyone in the overall squash community is bad. No one likes to hear a crybaby.

The PST sends out a little weekly squash e-zine that I receive, which has featured a few pointed criticisms of squash luminaries in the past, and the animosity seems to be ratcheting up. Not long ago McManus' e-zine poked fun at Alex Gough, CEO of the Professional Squash Association, belittling his financial smarts. The criticism was harshly delivered, I thought, and the reason was obvious: the PSA's ongoing feud with the PST over letting the former's players play in the latter's events. Concern over financial matters is not a one-way street, however, and after this little diatribe I found myself wondering about the PST's finances. I remember something about offering $100,000 to the first top ten PSA player to bolt and join the PST. But when David Palmer did just that there was no mention of his winning the promised windfall. What's the story with that? And if he didn't get the 100K, what did he get? And what do the players earn at these PST tournaments, anyway? There is never any mention of financial prizes at these events, so out of curiosity, how much do they get? Are there appearance fees given for the stars, and what are they? Which players qualify, and how might other players earn qualification? What do the lower-ranked losers get for their efforts? How sound are the PST's finances? Dunno, but I found myself wishing I had more information. 

Then, more recently, the McManus e-zine thought it would be funny (I guess) to refer to Kevin Klipstein, CEO of US Squash, as "napoleonic" and the association's "little general," apparently in reference to Klipstein's height. While no giant, I've met the man and he doesn't qualify as notably diminutive either. Again, McManus is upset with a CEO in the squash world and has decided to take it out in petty, defiant, bullying ways. Apparently US Squash has some legal action against PST over wording of one of their tournaments. I am actually the one tasked with overseeing copyright legal matters at the publishing house where I work, and believe me, companies everywhere are concerned, often rightly, when another company in their industry starts using, and branding, language similar to their own. I don't know the facts behind this legal skirmish, but wouldn't it have been better to argue this away from the public eye instead of embarrassing yourself and your organization with childish name-calling? 

I don't get it.

Mr. McManus, I think the no-let concept is a good one, but advertising yourself as a crybaby who lashes out at other squash organizations, and the people behind them, does nothing for your product, and may even provoke antipathy towards the PST in general. Focus on your product; it's a good one, make it better! The other stuff: It's time to can it.

"Very unsatisfactory. Terribly disappointing. Hugely frustrating."

James Willstrop, #1 in the world, did not behave like a champ by forfeiting the remainder of the match in his final against Ramy Ashour in the El Gouna International Squash Open. He is quoted on SquashSite as saying, as the title of this blog indicates, that his experience in the final was unsatisfactory, disappointing and frustrating. The reason was the court was slippery. 

Well, it was slippery for Ramy too, but he played on to the best of his ability, and guess what, Ramy was about to win. Ramy had won the first two games and was up 5-2 when Willstrop shook Ramy's hand and walked off the court. 

Willstrop managed to deny Ramy a natural victory by wimping out and blaming the conditions. The conditions may have been suspect, but this is a FINAL man! People are paying good money to see you play. If you are going to lose because the conditions don't suit you then buck up and play anyway, that's what champions do, they continue on unless they can't possibly continue, not because they are worried about getting turf toe from slipping on the court surface! 

Willstrop's experience was unsatisfactory, disappointing and frustrating, but not quite in the way he meant in the quote.

Squashing Down in the Deep South

I've been quiet on this blog lately because I've been working pretty damn hard and, when available, squashing pretty damn hard. Not a ton of time available beyond those two polar opposites, the dual lodestars of my existence. 

However, I recently got back from 5 days in the deep south where, among other things, I was able to play squash. Imagine that. 

I visited Sewanee, Tenn, not far from the Alabama border, where The University of The South is headquartered.  My in-laws are happily retired from teaching at the school and have stayed in the community. The college itself is well regarded, ranking #33 on US News' lists of National Liberal Arts Colleges. It's also relatively moderate in price: tuition and other fees total $32,292. In addition to the college there is also a well-regarded school of theology, which follows the Episcopalian tradition.

I viewed this visit as a wonderful opportunity to do some serious working out every day in their well-appointed gym and then to get on the school's one squash court and do some solo practice. 


I had been on this court before and so came prepared with my squash kit. Last time I visited I had pestered my in-laws to get me a game, so they asked around and gave me the name of a professor, purported to be the best squash player on campus. I was so wound up and ready to play, however, the poor man never had a chance. This time around I thought my time would be better spent with solo work, so that's what I did. Each day went like this: 45 minutes or so working out on the weights and exercise machines and another 45 minutes on the court practicing shots, working on my backhand, and going over footwork. It was great to take the time to do all that, particularly when it is so rare to find such time in my normal life. 


The court itself is interesting. It was clearly installed by a racquetball installer, which I say because of two quirks. First, racquetball courts often have a little plexiglass compartment located in one of the back corners in which one can put keys, valuables, wallet, etc. They are never found on squash courts, however, because the back corners are way too important to put anything other than smooth wall there. But lo and behold, this court has such a compartment. Another quirk is the floor, which like many racquetball courts is oddly shellacked, making the surface slipperier than a standard squash court.

Despite the funkiness of the court, The University of the South has managed to field a squash team for College Squash Association competition, and ranked #51 last year; among club teams, it ranked #21 (of a total 32).

I was working out and playing squash right in the middle of the school day, so wasn't surprised that I didn't see any other squash players hanging around. However, on my last day, after I had finished my session and emerged from the men's locker room on the way home, I saw a female student, who couldn't have been more than about 5' tall, walking quickly towards the court with a racket that seemed about half her height. She had a big smile on her face. 

I know that look. She's got the addiction....   

PSA's Squash TV Is a Fantastic Accomplishment

I sat down with Alex Gough, the CEO of the Professional Squash Association, during the recent Tournament of Champions to interview him about the latest doings at the PSA, and also get from him his take on how Squash TV is faring. Alex was generous with his time and I came away very impressed with both him and his plans for the PSA.

The PSA is the face of men's pro squash on this planet. It is important for our sport that those at the PSA be innovative and responsive to their various constituents, and in my estimation they have been, and then some.

Without a doubt, the PSA's Squash TV is their greatest success story. Encumbered by a difficult financial climate -- to say the least -- they have nonetheless created a means through which squash fans the world over can see high-quality, crystal clear, riveting squash from the world's best, filmed by an excellent crew in locations all over the world, with interesting and informed commentary besides. It's a fantastic accomplishment. 

I was all set to sing Alex's and the PSA's praises when Kevin Klipstein, capo di tutti capo of US Squash, beat me to it. So instead of prattling on, click here and read his review of the PSA and Squash TV. I concur completely. 

And the best way for you the fan to support the PSA is to pay the very reasonable sum of $80 for an entire year of access. An entire year! It's time to join the 50,000 unique visitors to the site each month and watch the greatest squash players on earth -- and yeah, James Willstrop is right up there at the top of the list.

James Willstrop Is a Putz

The very informative (and getting better all the time) squash site Daily Squash Report published an excerpt from James Willstrop's book, and the excerpt, available here, exposes this gentleman as a putz.

I'm sorry about that, because not long ago I was all for his ascendancy to the #1 spot in squash. Now I would like all US players and fans to give him one long unending boo every time they see him play. 

A putz is a great Yiddish word that means either an uninformed fool or a penis. You be the judge.

In Willstrop's book, which I urge you not to buy, he rambles on about American squash in general and the World Squash Federation's 2010 World Squash Awards event, held at the Tournament of Champions. 

Mr. Willstrop it appears was very disconcerted by a few hardball and hardball doubles awards that were given out at this event, apparently feeling that this is not really squash in the true sense and that Americans are always fooling with things better left unaltered. (This is why England is still a monarchy, even though most Brits can't figure out what it is the royals do...)

He goes on to complain about the stupid Americans coming up with different terms for shots (Rails? It's a drive!) and heaven forfend, those Yanks have even dispensed with lets! Pshaw!

He mocks our sports -- baseball, American football -- as being not truly world sports. This from a representative of a country that is still enamored with cricket. Isn't that a bug?

In his myopia he has failed to understand that squash has been an American sport for nearly as long as it has been an English sport, but it developed along different lines. I suggest he read James Zug's history of the American game, which is a great book. (Buy it here, Mr. Willstrop.) We have our traditions too, although we, unlike the British squash establishment, are prepared to innovate.

The North American Open is going on as I write this. Give Willstrop a hearty boo for me, thanks.

In Which Schumacher Orders Me Some Iceberg Lettuce …

I am not one to wager, other than the occasional $4 ticket for the Powerball lottery, whose prize recently went up to something like $350 million. If I were to ever win Powerball I would stare at the winning ticket and then collapse in a twitching heap of neurologic pandemonium, probably to die on the spot from over-happiness. Someone somewhere won that Powerball, and his or her face is probably sore from smiling so hard.

But the chances of actually winning Powerball are vanishingly thin. Beating Schumacher, on the other hand, is far more likely. Not guaranteed, by any means, but worth a shot. By prior agreement we and our wives are going out on Saturday to an expensive restaurant specializing in fish, so Schumacher, still smarting from his ignominious defeat the last time we played, offered a wager: whoever wins has to pay 65% of the overall bill for this dinner. I thought, fine, the bet is on.

After exchanging the obligatory trash talk during the week, we met this morning. I thought we both played pretty well. I won the first game quite quickly, but Schumacher did not seem to be phased in the least, indeed he seemed to expect it. The second game was tit-for-tat until we found ourselves at 10-all. A few rallies later, and some poor shot selection by yours truly, and Schumacher got the second game, 13-11. Ugh, I hate losing in overtime….

Third game, again close throughout. Physicians like Schumacher are used to taking charge and that might be why he is very much a shooter. I realized that he loves to volley drop my inaccurate crosscourt shots, particularly those coming from my backhand side. So I start telling myself that every shot must be down the wall: no cross-courts ever on the backhand side, and rarely on the forehand. The strategy keeps me in the game, until we end up at 10-all again. Uh oh…. Stupidly, I then changed tactics and went for a few ill-advised drops of my own. But Schumacher is much better at the front court than I, so every time I tried a drop shot he got there, held his shot nicely, and either ripped it up the wall or boasted around the corner. Not once did he choose the wrong way, always hitting the shot as far as possible away from me. Game 3 to Schumacher, 15-13. Ouch… 

Game 4 started badly, with me quickly going down 6-0 as I tried to shoot my way out of trouble with drops and odd angles that Schumacher quickly chased down. Like a lot of players, I have a grab-bag of unexpected shots that will work against a lesser-skilled player, or maybe earlier in a match against a player like Schumacher, but when he’s warmed up and has his eye ready for the ball, it’s just a waste of time, and all I’m doing is giving him easy points. I realized I had to go back to the original plan, only hitting rail shots as much as possible, and indeed got a bit back in the game, but the deficit was too much, and I went down ignominiously at 11-6. Wager won by Schumacher, 3-1.

Schumacher left the court talking about how he and his wife were going to order the most expensive item on the menu, lobster thermidor, and that we had better stick to salad so that we could afford the expensive meal.

“Lobster thermidor for two please,” said Schumacher, “and they’ll have some iceberg lettuce!”

Heh heh. Ugh…..